I walked 10,000 steps today.
It was a typical Monday. The challenges of working mom, the entrepreneur, baseball mom, wife, favorite mom, hated mom. I wear so many hats, it’s like a revolving door really. As I clean up dog pee for the 20th time, I go stand outside in the dark and cry for a minute. You see, I never agreed to a puppy, I wanted an older dog who was trained. We are on the go 4 nights a week, we can’t do puppy. My oldest son found her and brought her home. He also quickly lost interest and left us to take care of her. So I am cleaning pee again and it’s just too much. I yell at the dog and put her in her crate. I’m yelling at a dog. What neuro-psychoses would that fall under? At least I got 10,000 steps in today.
My oldest son is not speaking to me. I “interfered” or as I call it, acted like a parent, so now he ignores me. His silence game is strong. I was always passive aggressive, nix that, I am passive aggressive. When I do the silent treatment I wait till I’m somewhere else then text like mad. I know that game, I invented that game….I don’t know his game. I feel like I’m fighting so hard to keep us above water but no one is fighting for me. But at least I walked 10,000 steps today.
Have you ever been so tired you just stand there, crying for no reason? Asking for a friend….
I can’t sleep, I just want deep, solid sleep. The pain of fibromyalgia is quite loud tonight. She is a selfish monster who loves to attack me while I’m down.
Laundry…laundry never ends. Or cooking. They are always hungry. Never want what I make so now I ask first. Put away left overs, loaded the dishwasher and the dog has peed again. Time to lose my shit yet once again and take her for a walk. I got 10,000 steps today, did I mention that?
As I end this day, I think of all the things I didn’t do. A list of tasks I still need to complete. I could easily let this be a failed day. Taking mental notes of everything I need to do this week. My brain is stuck in second gear and can’t slow down or even speed up. I lay down with this puppy by my side. Looking at me with those big, sad eyes. She might eat me in my sleep….that’s a gamble I’m willing to take. I could tell myself I did a crappy job today, I didn’t do enough, I didn’t make more of an impact. Instead, I will focus on the small but important details….I kept them all alive and I walked 10,000 steps today.
Share this with another mom who needs to be reminded of the small victories. We all fail. Even the PTA mom with 2 fitbits….our recovery is what sets us apart ❤️ seriously, we should get medals for keeping them alive.